Putting a Hero to Rest

There really is nothing like putting a Veteran to rest. I work in Minnesota and the national cemetery that we use here is Fort Snelling. At first glance, you see rows and rows (and rows and rows) of white headstones. It looks like a very melancholy mass grave. Take a closer look and you will see pride, dedication, and hard work. Every single headstone belongs to a man or woman of duty. Being buried at a national cemetery is a free right given to all honorably discharged veterans. At Fort Snelling, they will also bury with full military honors and allow the family to have a private memorial. I always tear up when the guns go off and they hand the flag to the next of kin. It is such a strong symbol of the gratitude these people have for the deceased's service. If you have never seen a military service or cemetery, I urge you to go out and visit one. The grounds are lovely and it is very interesting to look around and marvel at how many individuals have proudly served our country. Thank a veteran. Even if it's not a holiday, do it anyway. 

What Not to Wear

Story time! I know you all have been waiting for it! So after someone passes away, the next of kin has to come into the funeral home to talk over what they want to have happen next. In this particular situation, the woman who passed was younger and I was dealing with 2 children in their early 20s. As I do with all families, I walk them through every step of the process and answer any questions they may have. The children had decided that they wanted mom to be cremated. In order for me to cremate someone, I have to have the next of kin sign an authorization form. I go through every section of the form and on one part it asks about a pacemaker. The children let me know that mom does have a pacemaker and I explain to them that I have to remove this before her cremation takes place. The son asks for the pacemaker back. Not a problem. I've given them back to families before. Do I think it's weird? Yes. But to each their own. What the son asked me for next, I have never been asked. Well, not until this day. He asked that he have her skull back. In tact. To wear. On Halloween. Or around the house. He was serious. Dead serious. I had to take a deep breath and tell him that 

1. After the cremation, her bones would be too fragile to extract the entire skull whole

2. Just no. No.

He was disappointed that he could not have her intact skull back. We continued with the rest of the arrangements. 

Moral of the story, please never ask your funeral director for your loved ones entire intact skull back. You will make them fear for their lives and your sanity.

Mortician, embalmer, funeral director, oh my!

In this blog you will most often hear me reference my job title as a mortician. I want to explain to you some of the different lingo that is used to describe what I do. I say mortician because this means I am both a funeral director and an embalmer. A funeral director is some who essential, directs funerals. These people sit down with families and plan out what is going to be done with their loved one. Whether that be the whole 9 yards with casket, hearse, procession, burial, etc. or if that simply means we are going to cremate them and place them in a cardboard urn. An embalmer is someone who does just that, embalms. These individuals rid the body of as much of its natural fluids as possible and replace these fluids with preserving chemicals in order to make the body presentable to the public. They also get the body ready in other ways but, I'll save that for another post. I am licensed to do both of these jobs. I can be a funeral director or an embalmer. I also carry a special license that allows me to cremate individuals. In the olden days people who refer to me an an undertaker. That word sounds dirty and I don't like it. I am not the lord of the underworld and I did not decide that it was your loved ones time to die. To me, the word undertaker is reserved for Hades in Hercules. I will never call myself an undertaker. Some people who work in the death care industry do call themselves that. To each their own. I prefer mortician. 

As a mortician, I am both center stage and a behind the scenes director. I am sometimes the face of the company, set out to take your loved one into our care from where they have passed and also the one who your family will spend hours with deciding if Dad liked purple or green better for your flower arrangement. Other times I am in the background, washing your loved one in order to make them presentable for a viewing or cremating someone who wishes to scattered in Lake Michigan. Both of these aspects of my job are important and I enjoy playing both roles. Some of my colleagues prefer to only be in the background, while some prefer to be in the foreground. In my opinion you should excell at both. To be an excellent mortician is to understand how to treat the dead and the living with respect. If I can't trust you to be civil to a family that is grieving, how can I trust you to respect a body as it is being embalmed? This is the stance I take but I know there are others in this field who would disagree with me.

So am I a funeral director? Yes. Am I am embalmer? Yes. To encompass them both I call myself a mortician. Am I an undertaker? Only if you think I'm the lord of the underworld (which I am sure there are individuals out there who do).

This is the undertaker..... Not me.

Intro

Death. It's a word and process that confuses and scares most of us. Death. A natural process of life; all who are born will die. Death. A taboo subject in our country. Now close your eyes and think of everything you associate with the word death. Write down what you think of. Most people think of grim, macabre, and depressing imagery when they think of death. Coffins, the Grim Reaper, graves, black, ghosts, the end; these are a few things that may have popped into your mind. Now imagine a funeral director or mortician. What comes to mind? People will say an older male, stern, maybe even stuffy, wearing a suit and tie, awkward, weird; I mean, these people like working with the dead, they have to be weird, right?
People come to funeral directors in their time of need. Emotions are high and for many, this is their first death. Confused, lost, scared, and looking for someone to take them by the hand and say, "we will get through this together. I am here for you."
Imagine a young woman, blonde, 5'6, high heels, pencil skirt, nice blouse, stiletto nails, bubbly personality, loud laugh, and a warm smile. For all intents and purposes, she seems normal, personable. She works with the dead. She is a mortician.
With this blog, I hope to accomplish 2 major things. 1st, open up everyone to the world that is known as the death care industry. There is so little the public knows about what we do as morticians. There are stereotypes and misconceptions. I hope to show you that not all funeral directors are stiff, old men and that we can actually be fairly normal people. 2nd, I want to entertain you. The things I have heard and seen since becoming a mortician make for interesting, fun conversation. Any stories I tell will be based on truth, just like they do in the movies. I will never mention where I work other than that it is somewhere in Minnesota. All names will be changed. I think it's important for the general public to be made aware of what we, as morticians, do day to day. No, I don't just sit and look at dead people all day. In fact, most of my day is spent with the living. This is my day to day story. This is my life living in high heels and hearses.

Me, in my element at work, with my daily cup of tea. Morticians, we love our coffee and tea (or anything with caffeine)!